我不是铁人，我也不是神。

Went to Marina Barrage last week, for the first time :)

I never deny that I have been a very strict tutor, and if you were my students before, you sure had kena scolding from me in one way or another. Call me bad-tempered, i don't care. Because what it really matters is the results.

Somebody once told me before, the difference between a teacher and tutor is:
- A teacher's main job is to pass knowledge to students
- A tutor's main job is to produce results

Although a teacher has a performance pregress report and must ensure that all students pass or perform, but it seems like much responsibility has been shifted to the tutor.

Parents will blame tutors for poor results, parents will blame tutors for poor performance, parents will blame tutors when school work is marked wrong, parents will ask why tutors charge to high etc, but parents will give teachers present on Teacher's Day and forget the person who has also been working hard behind the scene.

I talked to a parent over the phone for 1.5hours today. Discussing over her daughter's progress and what can be done. It has been a mentally draining talk.

Considering that I have a full-time job now, yet spending 10 hours/week on 4 students, with two O Levels, 1 PSLE & 1 P4, it has not been easy. I hope I can help them pull through, and i don't want to give up on them.

But it gets very tiring if they don't want to help themselves. And it's very disheartening when your students are getting poorer as the examination dates draw nearer.

Just like what teachers always say, 世界上没有懒学生，只有不用心读的学生。
Yes i totally agree.

I spent every Saturday morning screaming, hitting a boy, tearing away his books, throwing his pencil case, staring at him with my nearly pop out killer eyes, hoping he will just spend some time do simple things right.

Why is it so hard?

And last Satuday, i screamed until i felt giddy. no wonder teachers have high blood pressure, now i totally understand.

i hope i can be nice, and sweet and reason out with the kid. But it never seems to work out because parents themselves are over doting the kids and this has already lose its effect.

it's only when i get rough that it works!

why can't they make my life and their life simpler?

It has been worrying, especially for the O Levels and PSLE students. Every parent thought I am god, and how i wish I am one. I hope to make her go to express stream, i hope i can make her eligible for poly admission, which is why i still continue helping them even a tired day of work.

But why can't they motivate themselves and pick themselves up?

我不是铁人，我也不是神。
有时候，我真的很想这样就消失。

it's just like what im doing now.

i do alot, alot, alot, but are those work neccessary?
What's the meaning of "do first, see later"?

it's not as easy as ABC, every single matter i draft them out with much thinking process. And no matter how fast i work, it is never ending.

One hurdle after another, i have to cross and overcome. I have to think of ways so that I won't fall. Or rather, I have to think of ways where i don't fall too hard.

Decisions made from the top is ever changing. One week ago, it's Plan A. So i do. Then one week later, change to Plan B, Plan A cancelled. So Plan A work became useless and I have to start afresh and work on Plan B.

我不是铁人，我也不是神。

I have been diligently reading through Japan travel guide. It has been worrying me since ALL who knew that I am going tells me that I will get lost.

I hope I don't get so lost.
It reminds me when i was left alone in a shopping centre by my dad when i was young.
i don't like that kind of feeling.


I heard this song over and over again for the past two weeks. Over different radio stations, over Rediffusion, over the cab, over my colleague's desktop etc etc. Although it's a old song, but somehow it touched my heart.

"Sometimes in order to do what's right, we've to choose not to do things that we wanted the most."